Hmmm...I just haven't been too inspired to write much since the latest complication. I apologize. I feel I need to update the blog now in case someone just starting this journey wants to know more.
December 19th was a very, very rough day - one I will never forget. I went in at 6:30 a.m. for my 3rd surgery which was to include removing my old implants, injecting/adding Alloderm (cadaver skin cells to thicken the skin), and replacing the old implants with slightly bigger (50 cc's) ones to fill the extra space in my overstretched pockets. I was nervous, as I said in October.
What I didn't know until later that afternoon is that my dear, dear grandfather, who had a huge part in raising me, died that morning, not long before my surgery. No one wanted to tell me before I went into surgery, which I totally understand. That was a good decision. I still burst into tears every time I think about it, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Yes, the doctor brought out his handy construction level again! :-) He marked me all up, and they put me out fast. When I came to, I was staring at my friend who has acted as my Designated Driver for all 3 surgeries. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been there for almost every step. By the time I woke up, he already knew about my grandfather. Looking back, I should have seen the signs. I guess the anesthesia interfered with that. He usually teases me much more, but this time, he was very nice and didn't talk much at all. I did notice at one point and was afraid maybe there was a complication during the reconstruction he didn't want to mention.
Right away, I noticed the intense squeezing around my rib cage. Maybe they just put the bandages on too tight. I got in the door, and went straight to sleep in my recliner. I slept, and I slept, and I slept. Finally, I woke up enough to ask if he had contacted my mother to let her know I was fine. I felt very worried about her, without knowing why, but I was very pushy about knowing for sure that she was doing okay! That is when he finally told me about my grandfather. Told is kind of the wrong expression. I insisted on seeing the texts between my mother and him for assurance that my mother was completely informed, and that's when he sat me down and showed me the ONE - my mother's text about grandpa dying. The anesthesia and my pure exhaustion worked in our favor this time. I didn't really break down and cry. I just called mom to see how she was doing. Right away, she started getting very angry that he told me before she had a chance to tell me. He never had any choice! Like I said, I was harassing him about the texts to my mother. I was grabbing his phone and trying to read them. He told me as gently as possible. I begged mom to understand and stop being angry, but I think she needed to be angry at someone or something no matter what! Her father just died.
The pain associated with this operation seemed much worse. I'm not sure if it was due to the Alloderm, disturbing already scarred tissue for a third time, or simply too tight bandaging, but it was intense! Of course, add to that the pain of losing my grandpa. So, I did what I thought would be best - I kept taking my pain killers (Vicodin) and muscle relaxers, and SLEPT for days, and days!!! I was practically in a coma for 3 to 4 days. I've honestly never slept so much or so solidly in my adult life.
On December 23rd, I thought I was well enough to go to a very peaceful Christmas party some close friends were having. I said, "if this party proves to be too much for me, I'm sure Tracee won't mind if I just go to another room and lie down." That is true, but I had trouble admitting that I wasn't up for it. So, I held out at this party and tried my best to socialize and sit and smile through the night. The party was wonderful, but in hind sight, I was way to exhausted to really enjoy myself. In addition, all the festivities really made me reminisce and realize this was the first Christmas without either of my grandparents. They were the definition of Christmas to me. They are who made this time of year special for all of us. I really broke down when I got home - cried myself to sleep, woke up, and cried some more until I'd fall asleep again. I guess the pain killers finally wore off. This was when I finally let go and realized what it meant to lose my grandparents. I should have let my friends enjoy the evening without watching me try to make it through, including my caretaker, Eddie. He is the one who needed the night off, I'm sure.
Christmas Eve, I finally got the drains out - NO, NOT 1 OR 2 DAYS AFTER THE OPERATION, as I predicted. But, I got them out in time for Christmas. That was great. With the bandages off and the drains out, I was a new woman! Funny thing is, I STILL SLEPT, AND SLEPT, AND SLEPT! Although I had already cut down the meds, I decided that maybe I needed to try to go off them completely, so that I could finally wake up and do something besides sit in the recliner. I switched to only taking one pain killer and one muscle relaxer at bedtime - nothing during the day. This went well, but I'm still tired. I wind up taking long naps during the middle of the day. This is not like me at all!!!
New Year's Eve, I finally got the bandages and stitches removed. I think there is one stitch which they missed. I saw it in the mirror this afternoon. In all, I love these new breasts better than the last ones. The bigger size is perfect for my shape (big hips and shoulders). I finally feel balanced out! The Alloderm seems to have made them feel more "womanly," because they seem more fatty and soft. Before the Alloderm, they were very much like firm stress balls under thin vinyl. I am already much more attached to these, as if they are really mine! I never felt like that with the expanders or first implants. By the way, the first implants weren't even the same cc's as each other! I have no idea why the doctor had put one 550 and one 600. I don't think he really knew why either! LOL Now, they are both 650 cc's.
I was concerned about having to throw out my brand new bras for larger ones, but the bras still fit! They are just fuller. I can still wear 34DD, but I'm sure I could also wear 34DDD. Nonetheless, I am very happy that I can wear all the bras I currently own.
The other noticeable difference is that I have a lot more feeling in my skin this time! I have no idea why, but I am not complaining. My skin is actually sensitive again. I am not saying it resembles nipple sensation, but at least I can tell when there is pressure on my chest! Before, I would imagine actually accidentally slicing off an implant while cooking or something, and not even noticing until I could see the blood! Then, I wondered if there would even be blood. Oh, how the mind wanders!
Here's the very minor glitch...
The level failed! My boobs are almost an inch off alignment Surprisingly, I'm not that upset about it, and I could live with them this way and be happy. Fortunately, I may not have to duo that. The doctor said that in 3 months, he will do a minor "tuck" to my right breast, and they will be symmetrical. Although I don't look forward to anymore procedures, I am happy this is easily fixable!
Okay, "Boring and Detailed" should have been the title for this blog, but I'm not very inspired at this point. I will try to regain my inspiration and write something profound shortly! Thank you for reading and caring about this whole process. I am happy with the current results. I will add photos soon on a separate page for those interested in the latest "developments."
Happy New Year!!!
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