When??? Not yet, IT'S TOO SOON! Just when you and I thought this journey was coming to completion...
There's a new complication. Maybe I should have suspected things couldn't go THIS smoothly?! Wait, did it go smoothly? I thought, for the most part, it really did. As you know, if you've been reading these blogs, I keep saying to myself, "there are so many people in this world who have REAL problems. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, or complain (at least in person)!"
Tuesday, I was talking to a counselor I've been seeing for a few weeks, to help me get through this last year of intense life changes. She's a very straight-forward, tough-love type of person, whom I respect a great deal. This time, as I broke down in her office and apologized over and over, blurting out that I'm sure she sees so many people in much worse situations, with much more to deal with, she YELLED at me, put her hand up and told me to STOP!
I thought, "Oh, you're so right. How can I be so selfish as to break down like this with my tiny problems? I'm such a spoiled baby!" But, she interrupted those very thoughts to tell me to stop acting like my problems, and my feelings about what I've been going through, weren't valid reasons to be upset or cry out loud. She went on to tell me that I have a right to feel ANY way I feel about what is happening to ME. That I should stop feeling as though I don't have a right to my feelings, or to be upset about what I've gone through this past year.
As she went on, she explained that I should never COMPARE my situation with anyone else's. This is my life, my body, my experience, and I need to own my feelings regarding it! I need to allow myself to grieve, feel sad, be angry, happy, and feel whatever else these events have brought to the surface. It's perfectly OKAY to admit to my children and anyone else in my life that I'm having a "sad day." But, I digress...
COMPLICATIONS...
One hot night, exhausted and baking like a potato wrapped in foil on the bar-b, I fell asleep early and unexpectedly while watching TV. I woke up around 11 p.m. only to notice my left breast felt "funny." When I looked at it, I honestly panicked. It looked like a half deflated basketball! I've never noticed it EVER looking like this before. As I tried to puff it up (LOL), it became REAL to me that there was a problem. After about 30 minutes of messing with it, and trying to mentally grasp what was going on with my breast, I finally dragged myself into the E.R. to try to get some answers and reassurance.
That was a waste of time! The doctor actually sat there, never once examining the breast and said they do not have the personnel or equipment available to check into what could be wrong. He sent me home without ever trying to assess the situation, with the recommendation that I call my surgeon in the morning.
I went in the next afternoon. My surgeon was "busy," but the nurse looked at it, took pictures, and did her best to reassure me that what was happening was not life threatening, and not that unusual. That's enough for me! I am not making this a BIG deal, but I do want those of you going through this process to know all you can about what may happen just when you think you're in the clear, and able to move on with your life.
This blog is long enough, so I will try to cut it short, and I will write in more detail soon. The best way I can explain it is...
The pocket, formed partially by scar tissue, which holds the implant in place, has stretched, or formed too loosely. There are no cut and dry answers here, but the skin is thin, I have NO fat in that area, and the left breast is where the muscle was cut too much and too deeply. I call that butchered area "my problem area." All of these pre-existing factors, combined with the implants dropping into place and settling, have created a large enough pocket for the implants to bunch up and "ripple."
Although I was so concerned and shocked by the new look, it is not very noticeable unless you already know and I bend forward, letting my boob fall away from my body. The weirdest part for me is the way it feels to the touch. It really does feel like a deflated basketball. It's a VERY STRANGE feeling!
The solution isn't great, nor is it fool-proof. I have to have surgery again. They will go in through the same incisions for a 3rd time! :-( The scars which were healing so well, are really taking a beating. I will have to have this stuff from a cadaver injected around the implant, as insulation to "fatten up" the look of my breasts. The kicker - they will probably be taking out these implants and putting in larger ones to "fill" the space, but then we risk stretching everything even further and winding up with the same problem all over again. On top of that, if I go any bigger, I have to get custom bras online, instead of my favorite Victoria's Secret bras. :-(
My surgery is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving.
(See what I mean - silly problems if you compare them to people with REAL problems!) Thanks for reading my latest. I know this was NOT very entertaining.
Have a great week, all!!! :-)
