Wax On...Wax Off

These last 2 weeks have been filled with brand new concerns, which I've previously put off.  I've enjoyed NOT worrying myself silly with all the decisions ahead that will affect my overall happiness and satisfaction with the "New Me."  Mind you, I am well aware that these concerns are VERY minor in comparison to the daily concerns of most other people.  I am in no way feeling sorry for myself at this point.  I feel very blessed and lucky.  LIFE IS GOOD!

SIZE  What size do I REALLY want to be?  I've always said, "bigger!" BUT, just HOW BIG is right for me, considering I will be carrying these babies around for at least the next 10 years?  Until now, I have been able to look down and say to myself, "definitely bigger!"  Now, I have reached a size where I look in the mirror, and say, "if this is where we stop, I could be very happy with this size, at least for now."  That's where I start questioning myself.  Yes, this is a nice size, nothing to sneeze at, and if God had given me these to begin with, I doubt I would have been disappointed at all.  BUT, I have gone so long with small breasts, that the "disappointed teenager" in me is curious to try life with breasts on the LARGER side of average.  I know it's silly, and vein, etc., but why not indulge a little in my own childish fantasy of being voluptuous?  Insurance is paying for it, and, after all that's happened to me physically, aren't I entitled to go a little overboard? 

Things I've got to consider related to size:

• Back problems?  Women have been warning me over and over about the back problems related to the weight of these new toys.  I already slouch quite a bit (which I need to stop doing!)  and with the new weight up front, will I slouch even worse?  I tend to think it will help me not slouch, because I am already more conscious of my back with the current size.  I am correcting my posture more often to counter balance the new water balloons.  I think it might be a not so subtle reminder to stand up straight! :-)  Also, it may make my back stronger, just holding these babies up!
• Clothing issues!  I've had to get rid of at least half my beautiful tops because they are already way to small in the boobs to wear.  They look just plain silly.  Even my lingerie has to be given to Good Will, as do my bathing suits!  It's going to be a long, expensive process replenishing my wardrobe to accommodate the new chest size.  Shopping now is so foreign.  I am so used to looking for a certain style that accentuated my small breasts.  The style I always wore looks ridiculous on these boobs.  I need to re-learn what styles compliment my new figure.  It's made me very empathetic to the larger breasted women I've always envied. 
• To bra or not to bra?  Women who have had this done tell me to not even bother buying any more bras.  This is hard for me, because I love to wear fancy matching bras and panties.  It makes me feel feminine and sexy.  How can I NOT wear sexy, lacy, girly bras?!? 
• Bibs? ;-)  (Think about it!)

Judging a book by it's cover!

I am now 7 weeks  post-op.  In this SHORT, yes I said SHORT, amount of time, it has dawned on me that no matter what my physical ordeal/condition, if I choose to look my best and put on a smile, people will assume that having a double mastectomy was NOTHING, yes, "no big deal."  Right???

WRONG! Yes, i have chosen to "look on the bright side," "stiff upper lip," etc. BUT, let me clearly state that it was not "nothing" or "no big deal" and I am not exactly "fine."  I choose to portray that, because, really, what's the alternative?! Wallow in self-pity? That isn't very productive. That is not the way I want to spend the rest off my precious days - which hopefully I've prolonged!

I guess what I'm saying is, "I(we who've been through this) don't exactly want your pitty, but please remember that I've been through a VERY BIG, life-altering event, which warrants a little understanding and kindness from those who care about me...EVEN IF I APPEAR FINE!
Please think about that while you are helping me work through this, and, yes, it is FINE to
LAUGH ABOUT IT, along the way.  Humor heals. :-)