Today, I've been secretly in mourning all day.
I've made peace with the DM. In my heart, mind and soul, I fully believe that it's what needs to be done in order for me to live a longer, healthier life.
Nonetheless, part of me will be dead and gone, forever, in about 36 hours from now. The thing that makes this so emotional for me is what I've come to realize was so special about these "parts." In the past 48 hours, every time I'm alone, in the shower, getting dressed or undressed, etc., I glance down at the small breasts I've often been dissatisfied with, often "enhanced" with padded bras, and hidden from sight, almost in shame, while changing in front of others over the years, and all I see are the beautiful faces of my three angels nursing on them. I see their tiny brand new little fists resting on them as they fall asleep in complete satisfaction, their little chins quivering as they start nursing again. I see their pure, almost transparent, skin, their soft, abundant, feathery eyelashes, as they begin to dream.
When I look at my breasts, I am transported to a time of complete, unconditional love, trust, and joy, in it's purest form - a time that, for me, will never exist again. Sure, I'll still have the memories, but now I must part with the very part of me that gave my children so much during the first year of each of their lives, physically and emotionally. It's a bond like no other.
And, so, I mourn the passing of perhaps the greatest part of me, the part(s) that went so under-appreciated, ridiculed, shunned, and hidden, for so many years - the part of me that gave my children the best possible start in life, immunities, nourishment, security, and the ultimate happiness and satisfaction only a baby can know - the part of me that instantly took me back to the happiest moments of my life with only a simple glance down at ---
MY BREASTS
R.I.P. 1980-2012
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