Deflation...

At the point we left off, I knew my breasts were ready to blossom with cancer, if not already hiding more cancer in my "very dense breast tissue."  When I finally met with my surgeon, she told me what I had already discovered.  She said that she needed to remove the area containing the calcification and atypical hyperplasia and examine the tissue for cancer. 


Back to the hospital for another exisional biopsy - my second one on my left breast in less than a year.  I was told the scar would be as small and hidden as the first.  That was a lie.  I woke up to discover a slice across my breast almost 2 inches long, about an inch above my nipple.  I was really thrown by this.  Granted, it has healed nicely, but it IS very noticeable.  To top everything off, it's as if someone has begun to deflate my left breast.  I'm sure it's not that obvious to others, but when I look in the mirror, IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!  (At least that's what the little girl inside me wants to scream at all of the doctors!)


Once again,

I waited, and waited, and waited

for the results, to see if they found anything else in the tissue they had removed.


The doctor informed me that there was no real new information.  The atypical hyperplasia is very evident, and both breasts are likely to have it throughout.  I had a couple of options, but none that made me want to jump up and celebrate.

My surgeon began drawing pictures on a whiteboard and explaining the unpleasant fact that my breasts were very likely to develop INVASIVE CARCINOMA within the next 5 years.  Invasive carcinoma is the "bad" breast cancer - the kind that is much harder to stop and invades the lymph nodes, as well as other parts of your body.  The kind developing in my left breast was still "in situ,"  which means it's just sitting there, contained in one little spot - easily removable and containable. 

We both knew then and there, in our guts, that the "bad" cancer was coming soon.  Too many changes had taken place in the last year.  My breasts were constantly changing and hurting, and the cells were going nuts (mutating and multiplying too fast).  My surgeon gently approached the subject of mastectomy.  As soon as she had finished explaining the situation, I blurted out,

"Let's do it!  Let's just get this over with.  Take them so I never have to worry about this again, and I can finally GET ON WITH MY LIFE!"  

She let out a noticeable sigh and gently smiled, telling me that it is a good decision.  She told me to see the oncologist and plastic surgeon first, to have all my questions answered and truly evaluate the pros and cons.  But, we both knew it was just a matter of time and that I would need the double mastectomy either way within the next couple of years. 

If I don't do the mastectomy now, I will need more tests at a minimum of every 6 months, cancer preventing medication (as recommended by the oncologist), and eventually, chemotherapy and/or radiation, once the cancer becomes invasive.  The cancer preventing medications I am referring to are to prevent or block estrogen, which sometimes accelerates breast cancer.  There are many side effects associated with the medication.  I'm currently on estrogen due to early menopause caused by my hysterectomy.  I already know how I feel and act without estrogen.  Believe me, you don't want to see me that way!  All these precautions, plus the constant anxiety and stress of waiting and wondering with each month and each test, were reason enough to put a stop to this right now!

The decision was made, and so the very lllllloooooonnnnngggggg process began...